Sudden or expected loss is always hard to deal with, and help from family and friends is a necessity. In this age of the internet, there’s a deluge of web sites and blogs offering help, most often with sound, experienced advice. Below is a roundup of just a few of the more reliable guidelines, tips, and received wisdom.
General
breakdown of funeral expenses:
---fee for
the funeral director's services: $1,500
---cost for
a casket: $2,300
---embalming:
$500
---cost for
using the funeral home for the actual funeral service: $500
---cost of a
grave site: $1,000
---cost to
dig the grave: $600
---cost of a
grave liner or outer burial container: $1,000
---cost of a
headstone: $1,500
Tool for
comparing prices:
Parting.com
is an online directory of over 15,000 funeral homes in the U.S. Readers can
compare prices and evaluate reviews at no cost:
“We at
Parting have one mission: To empower you with the information to easily find
the best funeral service providers. Each of us have experienced firsthand how
this can be an overwhelming task, and our goal is to make even just one portion
of this process easier during your difficult time.
“After a
recent loss in the family, we experienced difficulty finding the information we
needed to choose a funeral service provider that fit our needs. So we decided
to do something about it.
“The funeral
homes here have been carefully selected to ensure that they share in our
commitment to making your family’s needs a priority. We strongly believe that
with the transparency we bring to the funeral industry, those that provide
honest, compassionate care will stand out amongst the rest.” https://www.parting.com/
What Other People Are Paying
“CostHelper, Inc. is a privately-held Internet startup located in
Silicon Valley that provides consumer information about thousands of goods and
services. Our team of professional journalists have experience at publications
such as Stanford magazine, the Vallejo Times-Herald and the Sonoma
Index-Tribune, and they carefully research topics, conduct interviews, and
evaluate sources to provide readers with the most objective and helpful
information possible.
“We also invite users to join our community by commenting on how much
they've paid, creating a rich resource for consumers to learn what people are
really paying.
“Our vision is to provide an ecosystem where people can become informed
and share their experiences, where consumers know what their options are, learn
what is right for them -- if anything, and get a fair price for anything they
may be shopping for…”
Funerals:
Burial Vaults Cost, Burials at Sea Cost, Casket Cost Cremation Cost, Cremation Urns Cost, Embalming Cost, Funeral Cost, Funeral Flowers Cost, Funeral Processions Cost, Funeral Service Cost, Gravesites Cost, Green Burial Cost, Headstones Cost, Jewish Funeral Cost, Lawn Crypt Cost, Mausoleum Cost, Prepaid Funerals Cost, Spreading Ashes Cost, Wake Cost
Casket
Guide:
Wood caskets
often include a hand-crafted aspect and vary greatly in selection. Pricing with each category can also vary due
to where the wood originated and quality of the wood that is selected. Wood
Caskets:
---- Common
Hardwoods** such as Poplar, Cottonwood, & Pine: $900-$2,700
----
Standard Hardwoods such as Oak, Maple, & Cherry: $2,200-$4,500
---- Premium
Hardwoods such as Walnut and Mahogany: $5,000-$10,000
**Often
times these woods can be finished to appear like Standard or Premium Hardwoods.
Buyers should pay attention to whether the casket is finished like a particular
wood or is constructed of a particular wood, as this will influence the cost of
the casket.
The
Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule protects consumers:
The Funeral
Rule gives you the right to:
----Buy only
the funeral arrangements you want. You have the right to buy separate goods
(such as caskets) and services (such as embalming or a memorial service). You
do not have to accept a package that may include items you do not want.
----Get
price information on the telephone. Funeral directors must give you price
information on the telephone if you ask for it. You don’t have to give them
your name, address, or telephone number first. Although they are not required
to do so, many funeral homes mail their price lists, and some post them online.
----Get a
written, itemized price list when you visit a funeral home. The funeral home
must give you a General Price List (GPL) that is yours to keep. It lists all
the items and services the home offers, and the cost of each one.
----See a
written casket price list before you see the actual caskets. Sometimes,
detailed casket price information is included on the funeral home’s GPL. More
often, though, it’s provided on a separate casket price list. Get the price
information before you see the caskets, so that you can ask about lower-priced
products that may not be on display.
----See a
written outer burial container price list. Outer burial containers are not required
by state law anywhere in the U.S., but many cemeteries require them to prevent
the grave from caving in. If the funeral home sells containers, but doesn’t
list their prices on the GPL, you have the right to look at a separate
container price list before you see the containers. If you don’t see the
lower-priced containers listed, ask about them.
Complete
list of rights at: https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0300-ftc-funeral-rule
Policies
and procedures to ask about from The Cremation Association of North America:
---- Do they
have their own crematory or do they work with a cremation firm? If the latter,
which crematory do they use?
---- Who
owns the crematory facility?
---- How
often do they inspect that facility?
---- Are
licenses and permits current?
---- How
many operators do they have and what type of training do they require? Are they
CANA certified?
---- Does
the crematory have refrigeration?
---- How
long does the crematory hold the body prior to cremation?
---- Does
the crematory have liability insurance?
---- Does
the crematory facility allow witnessing by family members?
Five
reasons people choose cremation:
1. Saves
Money (30%)
2. Saves
Land (13%)
3. Simpler
(8%)
4. Body Not
in Earth (6%)
5. Personal
Preference (6%)
The
National Home Funeral Alliance provides assistance for those choosing this
option:
“The NHFA
empowers families to care for their own dead by providing educational opportunities
and connections to resources that promote environmentally sound and culturally
nurturing death practices. This is the place to find information about home
funerals, including directories for where to find home funeral guides, home
funeral education programs, home-funeral-friendly funeral directors, celebrants
and clergy, and groups who will help families when needed. Our goal
is to educate the public to their choices and provide clear information.” http://homefuneralalliance.org/
Guidance for those who prefer a green burial:
Certification:
The Green
Burial Council is the environmental
certification organization setting the standard for green burial in North
America. We offer environmental certificates for funeral
homes, cemeteries and product manufacturers.
Education
and Advocacy: We
believe that the death-care industry needs to embrace a new ethic for a new
era. Our education and advocacy is helping organizations and individuals within
this industry understand the environmental, societal and economic benefits of
green burial. We hope to make “green” or “natural” burial the new standard
within industry.
What
is Green Burial? We believe burial is “green” only when it furthers legitimate
environmental and societal aims such as protecting worker health, reducing
carbon emissions, conserving natural resources, and preserving habitat. https://greenburialcouncil.org/
Donating
Your Body To Science from Science Care:
“At Science
Care, our donor program strives to help meet the needs of the medical community
while fulfilling your wishes and making the process simple and helpful for your
family members. Making a whole body donation is one of the most compassionate
funeral alternatives available. When you donate your body to science, Science
Care can eliminate and cover all of the costs in addition to the many other
benefits to society. This includes free or no cost cremation. With the rising
costs of living and final arrangements, whole body donation can be a real
blessing not only for medical researchers but for family members.”
Whole Body
Donation Benefits Include:
----Honoring your wish to leave a lasting legacy for future generations
----Free
cremation and transportation from the location of passing
----A simple
process; pre-registration is not required to donate
----Filing
of the death certificate
----Return
of cremated remains in 3-5 weeks
----Letter
after donation updating family members on current research projects and the
impact your donation has made to society
----Memorial
tree planting at the one-year anniversary of donation through our Memory in
Nature program supporting forests in need in partnership with the Arbor Day
Foundation
How to
write a eulogy:
----Write a
brief chronological outline of the key events that occurred in the person’s
life from the time of birth until death. This will often remind you of several
pivotal events experienced by the person (e.g. graduating from college, getting
married, serving in the military, starting a business, etc.) that may be worth
mentioning.
----Write
down your favorite memories of the deceased. Ask others (friends, relatives,
co-workers) if they have favorite memories you can share. Often times people
have things they want to say during the funeral but they are either afraid to
speak or aren’t afforded an opportunity.
----Make a list of some of the things that were important to the deceased person….things he/she was passionate about. This may trigger stories of their own that you can incorporate into your speech.
----Combine all your thoughts, ideas, comments, and memories into one giant list. Review this list and decide which things you want to include in your speech.
----Make a list of some of the things that were important to the deceased person….things he/she was passionate about. This may trigger stories of their own that you can incorporate into your speech.
----Combine all your thoughts, ideas, comments, and memories into one giant list. Review this list and decide which things you want to include in your speech.
----Organize
your chosen comments into some type of order. For example you might want to
organize by:
----Chronological
date the events occurred
----Common
themes (e.g. family, career, work, hobbies)
----Speaker
(if you plan on using vignette eulogies); develop a schedule that shows when
each person is to speak. https://www.parting.com/blog/how-to-write-a-eulogy/
How to Express Sympathy and Offer Condolences to a
Grieving Friend
---- Be There. Let your friend know that you are there for him or her.
More important than what you say is the fact that you called, wrote, or showed
up.
---- Be specific. It’s okay to ask, “Is there anything I can do?” but it
is even better to offer something specific. “I’ll drop off dinner next
Wednesday. Is lasagna okay?” Practical help is often appreciated, as people who
are grieving can be overwhelmed with daily tasks. Offer to go food shopping,
bring the kids to sports practice, help with funeral arrangements, or write
thank you cards. If your friend needs help planning a funeral, check out our
information about planning a funeral.
---- Be honest. It is okay to tell your friend, “I don’t know what to
say, but I want you to know that I love you.” It is also okay to refer to the
loss as a “death” and to the person as “dead.” This helps your friend know that
you are willing to talk openly and honestly about what happened.
---- Be a good listener. Avoid offering advice. Instead, listen to what
your friend needs. “What is this like for you?”, “How are you doing today?”,
“What do you want me to know about what you are going through?” are some ways
to start listening.
---- Be accepting. Many complicated feelings arise when someone dies.
Not all of them are sadness. Anger, relief, levity, frustration, and fear are
also common reactions. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Accept the
full range of emotions that your friend expresses.
Additional Sources
Federal
Trade Commission Funeral Pricing Checklist
Digital
Downloads: All 50 States Before I Go
Funeral Planners from the Funeral Consumers Alliance https://www.funerals.org/bookstore/
When Putting a Loved
One to Rest, Avoid These Misleading Sales Tactics http://time.com/money/2793582/avoid-misleading-funeral-and-cemetery-sales-tactics/
8 Little Known
Funeral Rip-offs and Consumer Counteractions http://www.mybestbuddymedia.com/2013/04/8-little-known-funeral-rip-offs-and.html
5 Difficult Subjects
to Raise with Your Elderly Parents http://www.mybestbuddymedia.com/2013/02/5-difficult-subjects-to-raise-with-your.html
3 Valuable
End-Of-Life Facilitator Sites http://www.mybestbuddymedia.com/2013/05/3-valuable-end-of-life-facilitator-sites.html
Photo: http://www.hopeforthemourning.com/images/grieving-parents-004.jpg
A Sacred Trust:
Complete Information from the U.S. Department of Veteran’s Affairs
Funeral Home Markups In Canada - A Hidden Camera
Investigation
Jerry De Luca is a Christian freelance writer who loves perusing dozens of interesting and informative publications. When he finds any useful info he summarizes it, taking the main points, and creates a (hopefully) helpful blog post.
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